A plan for a bad day, made on a good one

I built withe for myself.

On a good day, I know who I can call. I know what usually works, where I can go, and why I keep going. On a hard day, none of that goes away, but that's when I tend to think the least clearly. I don't know where to look, and I'm in no state to work it out from scratch.

That's the real problem. It isn't that I don't have people, or places, or reasons. It's that the version of me who needs them most is the version least able to find them. And the version of me who can find them easily, on a calm day, has no way to hand them over.

So the answer seemed simple. Write it down on a good day, in my own words, and keep it somewhere I always have with me: who I can reach, who cares about me, what has helped before. That's what I do. I see a problem and I try to solve it.

A few things mattered to me as I worked it out. It had to be written ahead of time, because a hard day is not the day to start a list. It had to be in my own words, because a generic checklist doesn't land the same way as something you wrote to yourself. And it had to be on my phone, because that's the one thing I always have with me, wherever the day goes.

It also had to be private. What you write in something like this is about as personal as it gets, and I didn't want it sitting on anyone's server, including ours.

It turns out this already has a name. It's called a safety plan, clinicians have used them for years, and apps like this already exist. I just never came across one when I needed it. Now I have something that works for me, and keeping it to myself feels irresponsible.

What withe is

I named it withe. A withe is a thin, flexible branch used to tie a young tree to its stake, soft so it doesn't cut the bark. It isn't what holds the tree up. It's the connection to what does. For a person, that's the people, places and reasons that keep them here.

That's what the app is built to be. withe is a safety plan that lives on your mobile device. On a calm day, you write it in your own words: your warning signs, what's helped before, where you can go, and who you can call. You don't have to work out what to write. It walks you through eight questions, at your own pace, and there are no right answers and nothing is scored.

It's more than words. You can add photographs of the people and the things that matter most to you, so on a hard day you see them, not just read about them.

When it's time to reach someone, the hard part is already done. Each person calls with one tap, and if you'd rather text, your messages app opens with the words already written. Nothing sends until you send it.

It isn't a crisis service or treatment, and it works best alongside a doctor or therapist. What you write stays with you. There's no account, and nobody else, including us, ever sees it. Because we hold no copy, withe lets you save the whole plan as a file, photographs included, so a new phone never means starting over. You can also print it, or hand a copy to someone you trust.

It's free. There's nothing to buy in it and no paid version held back.

Why I'm sharing it

When I wrote this, withe was built and in testing. My hope is simple: that anyone who needs to see who they can reach, who cares about them, and why they choose to live has it in front of them when they need it most.

And if you're carrying this quietly, you don't have to carry it alone. In the US, you can call or text 988 at any hour, even if you're not in crisis, or chat at 988lifeline.org. If someone is in immediate danger, call 911. Outside the US, findahelpline.com lists free helplines by country.